Sadness doesn’t invalidate happiness.
Pain doesn’t cancel out joy.
Desire doesn’t negate the existence of contentment.
Longing doesn’t mean peace can’t exist.
Embracing of routine doesn’t eliminate the chance for spontaneity.
Living a slowed-down life doesn’t mean living less life.
Feelings of hurt do not detract from the love that surrounds our souls.
It started with a date, but we became quick friends. I knew deep down in my heart we were not meant to be together, but that didn’t put out the sparks. The truth didn’t stop feelings coming to the surface. It was it was a romanticized story, those same feelings starting to write the book of us. Chapter one, we surf the sunrise break and he makes us coffee. Chapter two — we’re up north — summering on the lake. California was glowing and so was I.
The story continued to write itself during the late evenings we spent in Malibu. When he acted on his feelings, I was seeing someone. When I acted on mine, he was infatuated with someone else.
Like steady love and unfulfilled desire, the rest of our feelings can just exist. It doesn’t take an action or event to make a feeling real. I’m learning how to let my emotions — the depths of each of them — cohabitate in peace.
I used to try and eliminate conflict, pain and anything uncomfortable from life. I lived, fairly successfully, in a place of stoic happiness. Inconveniences and discomforts passed me by; I was unfazed. Inevitably, the gaping flaws in my thesis of unbreakable positivity became quickly apparent.
The waiting and the work are where most of life is truly lived. A beautiful in-between space of unfulfilled desire that we so easily overlook.
On days when dark feelings or low emotions seem to be crowding my mental space, I remind myself that it is okay to simply sit with them. The joy and contentment haven’t disappeared. They sit quietly in the background, calmly supporting me through the lows.
The joy of the Lord is your strength.
– Nehemiah 8:10